One morning, immediately upon waking, things were very apparently, not normal. Lying flat on my back and looking up at the off-white ceiling of the bedroom, I was somehow, in two places at once!
It didn’t enter my mind to look around at any other place in the cheery light-yellow bedroom. I didn’t consider looking straight ahead at the sunlight that usually comes through the long white curtains and the two windows. Lying still in the comfortable king-sized bed, I could only bring myself to look up!
Fixated at the off-white ceiling; I was trying to absorb that I was also in another place, which was so far above the ceiling, that it wasn’t conceivable to even consider how far up that it was. Somehow, this did not seem as abnormal as it should have seemed.
Up high, I wasn’t sure exactly where I was at in Heaven. But I was, in fact, in Heaven!
Heavenly euphoria of peace beyond any type of comprehension was thoroughly through and through me. There was not any part of me that was not filled with a sensational Holiness of peace!
Completely immersed within the glory of the presence of Almighty God, novel revelation of God’s Kingdom was past any and all type of consideration! Suspended in one location within the Holy Spirit, God’s spectacular power of glory was beyond comprehension! It wasn’t imaginable that being alive could feel this incredible!
There was something missing, though, that should have been happening in Heaven; that I wasn’t noticing, and wasn’t happening at all.
Right then, all that I knew of was that I was within a paradise of God’s presence that no human could dream of or consider. In not doing anything at all but just existing, was past exhilarating; simply by being within God’s presence of peace!
If someone were to dream as far as they could dream, of the most beautiful experience and feeling possible, and multiply that, times trillions, times many more trillions and trillions, they not only wouldn’t be close, they wouldn’t even be starting to reflect on Heaven.
Heaven, in God’s presence; was utterly and completely engulfing me in a different realm of subsistence than anything of the world, greater than all descriptions of elation! Past a sphere of what extraordinary happiness could be, was Holiness, the Holy tranquility of God!
Immersed within the Holy Spirit of Heaven right then, was without a possible scale of comparison or relation to anything. Absorbing the presence of God was all that mattered, and nothing else. In Heaven’s glory, I wasn’t thinking of comparisons or scales to relate anything to, but only relishing and in awe of God’s glorious presence!
Very apparently past any human conception or idea, Heaven, simply and by itself, within the presence of Almighty God; was greater than all and everything needed, desired, or ever hoped for! A thickness of God’s Holy Spirit was orchestrating all of my senses, on high, as high as all senses could be felt and enjoyed, in a celebration of life in what only Holy God could bring!
Right smack in the face of my sinful history of over thirty years of denying Jesus Christ as my Lord, and rejecting the love of God, Jesus had never given up on me. Sin after sin, and never having a consideration for the Word of God; God kept coming at me with love, forgiveness, and some hard lessons. I needed a lot of truth, guidance and hard lessons, until I gained some reasoning and sense, and repented and gave my life to Jesus in 2008.
And right then, around seven years after giving my life to the Lord, the Holy Spirit had me, up high! The Holy Spirit was not pouring His Holy Spirit into me. The Holy Spirit was simply and immediately, within me, and all around me, as soon as I woke up. I suddenly existed in a magnitude of exultation, jubilantly, as one, within God’s glory!
Both, in the bed and up high, I knew that God is, in fact, glory! I knew what glory was, as never before. Glory includes splendor, magnificence and wonder! Glory, is the presence of our loving and merciful God!
The Lord’s presence was powerful, Almighty, and thick within the Holy Spirit. I somehow knew that the presence of God was within all things in Heaven. I also didn’t have any urge to look around. God kept me still, and I wasn’t moving toward any other place, but was only stationary, simply absorbing Heaven, in God’s presence!
The Lord was embracing me, and I was embracing the presence of God. In Heaven, God just is, everywhere, as one within all things, including in a manifestation of peace beyond any intellectual capacity.
By the moment, I was learning many things about the presence of God. But unknowingly, I was also learning one particular lesson of wisdom that would take me years to understand. This lesson was, ironically, from what was not happening to me in Heaven, and what most people, including myself, would think should be happening if they went to Heaven.
The Word of God guides to give glory to God. I knew right then, that the world is literally nothingness! And God deserves for everyone to give Him thanks and praise for giving His children life itself, as well as within His eternal glory that is beyond any human consideration of what majesty is!
I understood that God has created His children out of nothing, into existence, just as a gift for the purpose of love. Our Father offered His Son Jesus to atone for His children’s sins to give them everlasting life. But, additionally, and not sparingly, God loves His children so well, that He only wants to share His immensity of Heavenly love and glory with them forever without end!
Floating motionless; all and everything within the Heavenly realm of existence, was ‘utterly still,’ peaceful, perpetually in the present, and without any sense of time.
Suddenly, another manifestation of the Holy Spirit started to come within me! Something new, a novel Holy feeling; was beginning to happen. But mostly, I was engaged within a thorough thickness of the presence of God that was pure and absolute Holiness: a peace passing all descriptions possible.
Lying there in bed, I was simultaneously, without ceasing, staring straight up at the ceiling and also living somewhere else, in Heaven somewhere, within a beautiful otherworldly spectacular Holiness. It just was so, that I was able to think things through, in both places. Somehow, there was two of me, but existing as one person.
With much going on and much to think about, somewhere deep in the back of my mind, I wondered as to where I was at in Heaven. As I wondered in my thoughts, the Holy Spirit answered, and I could sense within the Holy Spirit, that I was at a particular level of one of the Heavens. But all that truly mattered was the presence of God and Heaven!
I was somewhere, up, really far up, in Heaven some place, and having an experience beyond what anyone could ask for or comprehend to ask for. When I prayed further about the level, the Holy Spirit would not reveal any more knowledge of the location.
One of the things that I did know right then, is that Heaven is Heaven! Heaven is Heavenly! When someone comes into Heaven, a welcoming sign to Heaven is not needed to tell someone that they are, in fact, in Heaven! Unreserved enlightening euphoria of Holiness was, as one, within all things!
There were other things that I knew right then, and they were as clear as clear could be. One of these things was: wherever I was exactly at, someone could live right there, at that same spot without ever moving, and be in awe, everlasting, praising God forever and ever without end!
There was no need to go anywhere. No one would feel as if they had to try something different; be at some other place, or do anything else. Just the Holy peace of the Holy Spirit of God alone, was exceeding and glorious beyond any possible human portrayal!
Without ceasing, the Holy Spirit of God was through and through me, beyond what any earthy words could depict. The Holy peace of God was not just in great breadths, depths and widths of uplifting splendor, but an all consuming peace: nothing, and no space, without the peace of the Holiness of God.
An increase of the other manifestation from the Holy Spirit was starting to increase in strength. Through me, I could feel something else was happening, besides the peace.
Somehow, I mostly kept taking the experience in complete stride, of being in bed, and up high, as if someone did this every day; including, seemingly being two entities. The Holy Spirit apparently has these things covered, as far as not being on overload from having something so sensational happening, such as Heaven, or being in two places at once.
The generous nature and mercy of the Lord had my undeserving self, hovering, and elevated in an ecstasy of stillness. Wherever this location was at; had a complete void of any worriment of the world. No one had any problems in Heaven, and no one could recall, of any past problems, once they were in Heaven. Heaven was too spectacular! Reflecting from being in both Heaven and the world at the same time, it was evident at all times, that the world was nothingness, as absolute, as nothingness could be.
The second manifestation, of another intricacy of the Holy Spirit, was starting to grow more and more within me and become more prevalent and very powerful. Something else magnificent, felt like it was going to happen at any moment, within the Holy Spirit.
Back in bed, I knew of the ceiling, and wasn’t focused on much else of the world, but just the ceiling. Up high, I knew nothing of the world. Only the part of me in bed knew fully of having a human body and being in the world. I didn’t completely recognize it at first, but the Holy Spirit was also upon me in a spectacular manifestation while in bed. The Holy Spirit’s pureness was so absolute, that when I had woken up, it wasn’t a jolt to me of being within the Holy Spirit in such a way.
In two places at once, I kept alternating to think things through. At one moment, I was more aware of the part of me that was up high, with more focus on that. And then, without effort, at others times, I was more focused on looking up at the ceiling and thinking things through as a man and a human, including absorbing that I was also so high up. The Lord was giving me free will, to think things through in either place, whenever I wanted to.
I was more of me, in bed, at one period of time, thinking the experience through. And then more of me; was thinking things through, high up, although I could, at all times, feel myself to some degree in two places.
More of the other blessing from the Holy Spirit was starting to come on stronger, but I wasn’t sure what. However, steadfast, the tranquility, all the way throughout me, was still utterly consuming and transient of all reasoning. All earthly pain and past suffering was entirely forgotten about. There was nothing of any care. Past just incredible merriment, was Heaven; as one within God’s presence!
Fully occupied with the ceiling, quite possibly, I kept looking up, as what else was someone to do when they were in two places, and one of them was above their ceiling. It seemed reasonable, as to what else could someone do when they had never been in two places at once, but wait for the other one of them, to come back and be together again.
Void of anything else in the room, in the home, or in my life; too much else was going on to consider anything other than a paradise of Heavenly pleasure!
Relationship and health issues, letdowns, any financial issues, the grieving from the passing of loved ones, and all worldly consequences; were utterly, and to the most absolute degree that absolute could be, non-existence. All was taken care of. God had all things covered. Heaven was not just without sorrow and tears, it was all consuming paradise!
Seven years prior and as a brand new Christian, only knowing two Bible verses at the beginning of that year, I said a casual prayer that I didn’t even recognize as a prayer. In my thoughts, I offered and asked the Lord, “If I knew your Word I would speak it.” From that point forward, things started to happen in the spiritual world that I never knew existed.
For decades, I mostly had never considered God, unless when I needed something. I simply never repented sin, at least that I could recall, and most certainly not to lead and seek a new life of righteous truth. I knew almost nothing about God’s Word, and might have only tried to read Scripture once or twice in over thirty years.
I had been so far removed from knowing anything about God’s Word that I didn’t know that it was horribly wicked when I tried to make a deal with God one day, telling Him; that I would not do a particular sin anymore, if He would do me a favor. With that outlook, no one could be anymore undeserving than me, to receive any blessing.
But right then, seven years later, in a Heavenly hold of Godly love, my undeserving self was engulfed in enlightenment from the Almighty God and creator of all things! My mind was racing with many thoughts of God’s amazing Holiness!
At every moment, I was motionless in Heaven, and still not moving around, in a sensational presence of the exhilarating Holy presence of God! God was also teaching me much, directly, and through just the experience, and there was no way that I was going to absorb all of the particulars right then.
I still was not looking around, and not even trying to; in Heaven, or in the bed. And that one thing that should have been happening in Heaven, that anyone would think would be happening in Heaven, was not only not happening, I wasn’t even aware that it was not happening.
Impossible to fully convey or understand unless it was actually happening, was the ecstasy from being within the existence of God! Hanging in quiet immobility within God’s everlasting to everlasting presence, the awe from the peace of the presence of God; was off of any type of registration.
The Holy enlightenment revealed that if someone were to only experience the peace of God’s presence, and only that, forever without end, they would be in a jubilation of praise and worship forever without end. If nothing else ever happened for an eternity, but the feeling of having all senses on high from the presence of God and only His peace, they would thank, praise, and worship God, for just His peace for an eternity!
Suddenly, not just one more, but two more spectacular Holy manifestations from God’s presence were beginning to be apparent, besides the peace, and increasing into a much fuller development. Knew realms of Holiness were coming within me, or were there all along in a lesser degree, but becoming more evident, of which I wasn’t sure.
Fixated on the peace as well as the two other manifestations that were developing quickly, I wasn’t looking around or trying to look around in Heaven. God’s presence was all and everything within itself!
The love of God and His presence of a Holy peace passing all understanding were suddenly giving allowance of the increasing exposure of another amazing manifestation! Beyond what any words could describe, was the sudden presence of a pureness of Holy calm beyond any type of human comprehension!
A Holiness of calm, different than the peace, was through and through me! Simultaneously with the peace, was a festival of serene calm beyond any perception in its manifestation! I never knew calm until right then! Without the presence of God’s Spiritual calm, I knew that me, nor anyone, could ever know what calm truly was!
The peace hadn’t dissipated, but there was just also, a Holy calm beyond all comprehension! Living, at one, within God’s Holy peace, there was now also life within God’s Holy calm! Calm, in Heavenly euphoria, had a definitive Holy pureness to it that was as absolute as pure could be. As soon as someone knew the calm of God, they also knew pureness. God’s calm, had a definitive Holy pureness to it.
New enlightenment revealed: if, in fact, someone lived forever, and never looked at anything in Heaven, but only felt the pureness of God’s Holy calm, they would call out in joy, seeking novel revelations of words to praise God forever without end!
Being only within the blessing of the calm stillness of God’s presence, the entire Kingdom of God would be elated for the chance to worship God in newfound ways; everlasting!
Calm, that I never knew could be, was utterly through me, and as one within me! Beautiful, sensational, spectacular, calm!
All and everything within the earthly world, of its treasures and luxuries combined, was literally nothingness, and not even a consideration, within the calm of God’s love!
If someone could live for any length of time on earth, and not age and be in good health, happy, as well as financially wealthy; and they experienced the pureness of the Holy calm of God’s presence for just one moment, and could feel it again for just one more moment, by relinquishing everything that they had, it would be a quick decision to choose just one more moment, of Holy calm!
Laying in bed and still not looking or moving around, and staring up at the ceiling, I was fully aware that I was also, not just within a Holy peace passing all understanding in Heaven, but was also within a pureness of tranquility of God’s Holy calm!
In a timeless state, God’s Holy presence was perpetually in the present. Nothing was moving, in the sense of, and including, that no time was elapsing. God’s presence and Heaven; just is. God just is.
Be it God’s will, simultaneously, as to someone thinking of the subject of ‘everlasting’ in Heaven, they would know that God is everlasting to everlasting. God just has always been and always will be.
All praise to God that can be made possible, should be! God’s children sin against God. And God and His love, not waiting a moment, announced that He would send His Son Jesus to rescue sinners from themselves, just to love them forever, and in paradise!
Right there in Heaven, there was a complete void of any sense of hurry. There was no need to be anywhere, nothing to get done, but to just be as one, existing, within the Spirit of God Almighty!
There was existence without any oppression of anything, including time, situations to deal with, or the world weighing. There was only God to think about, having reverence for, and to be with.
The suddenness of people and the world were not a consideration. No one could remember any hardships within the glory of God. In Heaven, was only the contemplation and reflection to God’s love and glory! And God’s glory included definitive, unwavering; perfect, and beautiful calm.
Suddenly, the third manifestation from the presence of God was developing much stronger. Simultaneously, within the peace passing all understanding and the pureness of Holy calm, my mind was abruptly being flooded with God’s Holy wisdom! Faster and more condensed than fathomable, my mind was fluently inundated with wisdom!
The wisdom of God was penetrating my thoughts in an extraordinarily condensed manner. I was learning new meaning, to the word, ‘condensed.’ Multitudes of intricacies of wisdom were flying into my mind, but moments themselves, were not passing. Continually in the present; came novel wisdom that was not stopping!
Heaven, in its timeless state, very apparently could have a bombardment of the immersion of wisdom within what someone in this time-based world might relate to as a micro fraction of a second of time, but less. There was simply no time, and no way to fully explain the feeling of timelessness with a mere human mind and the use of human words.
What was coming into my consciousness greater is that; Heaven, in the least, had peace, calm, and wisdom, as part of the permanent and eternal presence of God. To an absolute degree, at anytime that I thought about it, I knew that Heaven just was, in regard of a permanent, non-ending existence.
Heaven, even if someone knew it before, was absolute apparent in Holy terms that God is truly Almighty! God never had a beginning and never will have an ending. God and Heaven could be felt like that. God just was, life just was, and life would just go on without end.
Right then, living as one, within the presence of God, was unending and ceaseless Godly love emanating peace, calm, and wisdom. The knowledge from God’s Holy presence included that infinite breadths and depths of love were eternally experienced in Heaven.
Wisdom kept coming into me at a rapid pace, and was so intense in its magnitude, deepness, and insightfulness; someone might think that it might be too much of an intensity to bear. If wisdom was coming into someone’s mind on earth, as was happening right then, it would have to be considered the most intense and condensed manner of which someone ever experienced anything. But there was without any effort, wear, or any tiredness that could come, in Heaven.
God has all things covered. As fast as wisdom could come into the mind, either God’s love, the wisdom itself, the peace and calm of the Holy Spirit, all of the above, or some other factor, made it definitively effortless to receive.
God is love, and God is wisdom. The wisdom in Heaven, as all things, just came as an act and gift of love from God.
In Heaven, it was easy to know that God’s wisdom reveals and teaches how to address all things. This includes through the understanding, reasoning, and discernment from the knowledge of the Holy. Wisdom from God is clearly righteous truth, and interprets the entire Word and life for application, through its understanding.
Remarkably, I didn’t have the slightest idea, though, of the specifics of the wisdom that I was receiving, in regards to having any time to evaluate any deeper particulars. Novel characteristics of wisdom were just flooding into me, and I just knew overall, that God’s wisdom could address all things.
Suddenly, while looking up at the off-white ceiling, something else was happening, that was not good! Uh oh!
In bed, I suddenly panicked. I could feel and sense the part of me that was up high, in Heaven, was starting to come down! I didn’t want to come down!
I tried to will the Spirit, so that I would not come down. But trying to out-will God, very apparently doesn’t work. And there wasn’t any new exception or precedent that was going to be set right then, to out-will God, or to even ask God to stay up high with Him. I was coming back down. I tried not to. I was trying not to come down; trying to find a way, not to come down.
But that was it. I was coming down fairly quickly, and back in bed, my mind was racing fast. More and more of my thoughts, were only happening to the part of me that was in the bed. This included trying to direct the other part of me, who was up high, on some things to do. I thought to myself, “Why didn’t I pray for anyone while I was all of the way up in Heaven?”
Thinking it quickly through on the bed, I was guessing that there could have been a greater degree of prayers that might be answered, if, in fact, someone prayed on a visit to Heaven.
I wasn’t certain that this would be the case, if that would have any more of an effect for praying, than praying on earth. But I was suddenly kicking myself as to why I did not even think to try it?! Therefore, I thought to hurry up, and give it a try right then, before I came all of the way back into my body.
Right at that moment, either the Spirit of the Lord prompted and guided me; or I thought do so on my own, but I started to pray for two people in who I had never met. A good friend had just asked me, over the past few days, to pray for her nephew and niece, and had never asked me to pray for them before.
Thereafter the prayer, even though I felt good about squeezing in a prayer for my friend’s nephew and niece, I was still kicking myself, as to why I hadn’t also prayed for others, such as loved ones and friends. I quickly prayed for more people. I was coming down too fast to get many more prayers in. I prayed faster. I didn’t know how much time that I’d have until I was completely back into my body. At all times, it felt like it could be at any moment.
I was on overdrive, thinking to fit in as many prayers for as many people as possible. I kept praying, including for more close loved ones, all the way until the end, and then suddenly, I was back into my body and knew it, and I stopped praying.
Trying to absorb all that had just happened; was an impossible task. I didn’t know it at the time, but it would take years to just get a bearing on some of the messages and wisdom that could be obtained from the experience itself, let alone from any specific wisdom received.
But something was missing, something new, besides what didn’t happen in Heaven and what anyone would think should happen in Heaven. What the new thing that was missing was: I couldn’t recall any
of the wisdom in which God gave to me in Heaven. None of it. I couldn’t remember any of the wisdom that had flooded into my mind.
Maybe I did know some of it, or all of it, and just didn’t realize it. But I certainly couldn’t remember anything about the wisdom; only the experience of wisdom coming into me fast and condensed.
Right then in bed, I was not on overdrive from going to Heaven and coming back. It was also almost like I was in some sort of other world, with God protecting me from myself, and the very finite structure that is a human, with Heaven being so incredible. So easily, I was not overcome with what had just happened. But I was, in fact, exhilarated, and still feeling an immense power of Almighty God and the Holy Spirit’s Holiness within me.
I was now only looking straight up at the off-white ceiling; not existing in two places. I still wasn’t looking around and noticing the cheery and light yellow bedroom with the long white curtains hanging over the two windows that usually shined good light through them in the morning.
One other thing that was happening right then: the Holy Spirit kept emanating a beautiful and wonderful manifestation of His presence within the bedroom.
I couldn’t say for certain whether the Lord’s presence was that exact way all of the time while I was in bed. But Holiness of the Spirit was present and powerful, thereafter coming down from Heaven.
Although the experience did not seem overwhelming, my mind was, in fact, racing at what had just happened. To only say that there were some things to think about, was a vast understatement.
Lying in bed and reviewing, Heaven included: a peace passing all understanding, a Holy purity of calm as absolute as purity could be, and condensed Holy wisdom. I was also starting to be more cognitive as to what did not happen in Heaven.
Growing into a greater realization and trying to grasp; out of all of the wisdom that came into me; I couldn’t recall any of it. Thinking it through again; I was only left with the remembrance, that in Heaven, someone will get engulfed with an extraordinary amount of wisdom beyond any comprehension.
It was apparent before the trip to Heaven that the wisdom received directly from the Holy Spirit could also be found within the Word of God. And it was even more apparent after the trip to Heaven. If someone were receiving wisdom directly from within the Holy Spirit and or Word of God, that also dictated the presence of God. God is wisdom. As varying wisdom might accumulate and be pieced together, a synergy of wisdom of enlightenment and revelation could happen beyond any understanding.
Right then, I felt full of many thoughts. And, as any person might do after coming back from a trip to Heaven, I got out of bed, and started the day and made some eggs for breakfast.
A strong presence of Holiness was still within the home in which I was residing. I was filled with the Holy Spirit. Coming clearer into my senses; was what had just happened: Heaven.
I didn’t really feel the need to tell anyone what had just happened. In fact, and mostly unknowingly, the Lord’s Spirit of guidance was subtly aiding me not to tell anyone of the experience. There was much to think about, to even maybe have the ability to accurately sum it up for myself, let alone tell anyone else what had just happened.
By then, I was mostly trying to absorb Heaven, and wasn’t talking about it. I was still very short on being able to try to understand the occurrence. I wasn’t certain on many more things than what I was certain on.
I could still feel a great power from God’s Spirit within me over the next days. But things suddenly took a quick turn for the worse, and this was because of my own shortcomings. For some reason, with such an experience, I started to gain a heightened sense of myself. This was not good. Pride was kicking in, and I said some things, unfortunately, to God, that were inexplicably and incredibly, haughty. ‘What was the matter with me,’ I thought thereafter?
God is God, and I am not! I was feeling so much of God’s Almighty power within me that I allowed it to get to my head! How terrible. This was not good. I also forgot who I was without God!
I had been a sinner without any consideration to the Holy Spirit and Word of God for decades. God had considered me anyway, never giving up on me. And now, I abruptly had an outlook to say something so prideful to God; that I could not bear to think about it. I was suddenly a torture to myself.
No one would probably think that this could happen, that someone might become haughty, feeling too special, from being within such an enlightenment of Heaven. If that scenario was ever offered to me; that I would go to Heaven, and start to become prideful over the power that I felt from God’s presence, I would not have believed it. But truth is truth. I did have the wisdom to know, that it was better to be truthful to God and to oneself, including to have a basis for repentance and growth, as opposed to living a lie. And only truth can set someone free.
The truth was I had become full of myself after coming back from Heaven. I thought about Paul, and that he had a figurative thorn in his side, placed there by God, an affliction, from having such an immensity of Holy blessings happening to him, but his pride had kicked in.
Paul pleaded with God to not give him a counter balance to his pride. But God was trying to keep Paul grounded with the truth of who he is, with a counter balance of an oppressing spirit to keep him humble to be able to keep giving him immensity of blessings.
In truth and humility, is the Spirit of Jesus Christ, working well through those having the same manner of spirit and outlook of truth and humility. Pride is a lie. Only God is God. Pride is sin, and an abrasion to the Holy Spirit, and can short-circuit someone being qualified to receive and or efficiently use novel blessings from God. But right then, I was without a counterbalance, and pride was running amok.
How was that even possible? I was feeling too much glory ~ of myself!?
Suddenly, being full of myself for too long, God’s patience was wearing thin. I was about to learn a lesson in truth and humility from the great love of God.
The truth is: God certainly is God, and I certainly was not. And I could feel God about to remind my short memory of these truths.
Truth certainly could instigate humility, and be it God’s will; humility could yield great imminence within the Holy Spirit of God. Without truth, there was no humility. Wherever humility was present, there was truth. And where I was at right then; was void of truth and humility. The Lord loves His children too well to watch them torture themselves with pride, which is, in fact, a lie, and an abrasion to God and to all those in who they influence.
My pride had forgotten the truth of who I am with and without God, and God’s grace and mercy to save me.
Abruptly, in the downstairs living room of the residence in which I was staying, I felt the Holy Spirit of God delving into letting me know, that He was God, and I was nothing without Him.
It had all been a gift ~ being created, the sustainment of life, the Word of God, Jesus on the cross saving me and everyone from their sins, and Heaven. Children of God, just having life; was simply a gift. This included every breath that everyone and I took, and eternal life without end, given just for the purpose to be loved and to love forever. And right then, God’s wisdom and the Holy Spirit of truth, let me know: that I was James Rathman.
Suddenly, and truly to the nth degree, in an absolute sense, I was James Rathman without God, and could feel of such. In an instant, God had pulled the pride right out from under me, and I was within an affliction of my own truths past any understanding. I could abruptly not feel the Spiritual presence of God at all!
Here God was, and suddenly, there God wasn’t!
I was suffering past what any suffering could be. I got down on my knees and put my elbows on the couch. One of the most painful experiences that I have ever had was with a loved one passing away, but there was still the feeling of the presence of God’s Holy Spirit.
There could obviously be immense and overwhelming grieving when a loved one passed away. But, there was always the encouragement and sense of God’s presence that they would be in Heaven, live forever, and everyone would be reunited unto a paradise of life and love without end.
But this! God wasn’t there, or at least God was making it feel like that. God can manifest Himself in any which way that He wants to manifest Himself. Scripture reveals; God will never leave nor forsake us. But God is Almighty, and has infinite ways to teach lessons. God can certainly make it feel that He is, in fact, not there at all.
God can do all things. And God certainly can show someone a lot of love to straighten them out with perfect truth, to recall who that they are with and without God!
Right then, I was only James Rathman as a human, a flawed man, and could feel it: who I was without God.
God had also stripped me of all of the wisdom that I had learned as a Christian for the last 7 or so years.
Nothing was there. I was as hollow as hollow could be within my entire self. My mind and my body felt an exceedingly painful hollowness to it.
All of the understanding, reasoning, and the discernment of the Word of God and life, in which God had given me for years was gone. I knew not the Word with wisdom, or the presence of God.
God was very apparently, allowing me to know and understand the truth of who I was with and without Him to the greatest sense. There could not be a greater affliction, than to be as one with God, and then be oneself, without feeling and sensing the Holy Spirit of God.
If someone never knew the Holy Spirit of God, they would not know what they were missing. But I knew. I had such an alarming empty space through and through me; I felt as nothingness within me; and existence became difficult to bear. I cried.
On my knees, I cried; without God and His presence. And I cried at who I was, without God. I wasn’t even a man without Jesus, and I knew it before, but I really knew it right then.
Down on my knees, I kept praying and calling out to God! “Please come back!”
I didn’t want to be me, without God. I had rejected God for decades, and now I wanted God more than ever. I knew that I was a good and caring person in many ways. I helped many people, and liked to help people. But I did it with my own terms and set of rules, without a consideration to Jesus Christ, the Word of God, and that there are set Holy laws of truth within the Spiritual world. Back then, I had cared nothing as to whether I sinned or did not sin. That is not good, including how that, lack of consideration, can affect everyone in who someone influences.
I had made mistakes over the years, and sinned without repentance for decades. Only after giving my life to Jesus, had I begun to recognize the magnitude of my sins. Truth is very humbling.
I wasn’t purposely setting out to rebel against God and the Word of God. I had never even truly considered the Word of God, and mostly never wondered as to whether I was sinning or not sinning. I was only of the world, and only went to church, quite possibly, two times of the year, for Christmas and Easter, maybe. My attitude and faith had, at times, been; ‘if there is a God, He should put a big check mark next to my name, as I showed up at His church that day.’
Some of the time, I truly believed in God. I knew of Jesus at times. And at other times, I had come unto conclusions such as, ‘well, no one could know for certain until they passed away if there is a God or not.’
Someone could not have been more wrong than I was, to think of such a conclusion.
Wisdom includes: just because one person doesn’t know of hard incontrovertible proofs of the existence of God, doesn’t determine, that they, themselves, are then the concluding rulers of the universe to determine things for everyone else.
Enough people do know, of hard facts, of the existence of God. Evidential hard facts that are undeniable happen all day long across the planet, including definitive intercessions from God.
Without God, I knew who I was, and I was in trouble right then, as I was a worldly person. I was so hollow. I was consumed with hollowness. The presence of God and His Holy wisdom were all gone out of me.
God’s grace had saved me years ago. God helped me to have some honor in things that counted, and I had been working on growing to have more honor within God’s Spirit and Word. I had developed some substance. I could perpetually feel it right then: I was a man with Jesus, and without Jesus, I was not a man. I, as James Rathman, was suffering and calling out to God to return in His Holy Spirit.
Off and on, I was praying throughout the next day, on my knees, or anywhere that I was at. I kept calling out to God to forgive me of my attitude, outlook, and pride, including to have said what I did to God after coming back from Heaven.
I was nothingness without God. After Heaven, I had just let God know how spectacular that I was. Up in Heaven, and afterwards, the Holy Spirit had so engulfed me with such power from His presence, apparently, I forgot that that was God, and not me, with all that power.
I had grown somewhat over the years with truth and humility; including to benefit my old ways out and my new ways in. But one thing; I did love the Lord Jesus, and was pained not to do well for Him. Right then, it wasn’t a matter of making a simple mistake; it was who I was as a person; having such a character issue.
Right in the midst of my decades of debauchery, God had had it with my pride back in 2007, and showed me a lot of love throughout the year. I knew that God was real by then. I had repeatedly experienced God’s definitive and tangible Spirit of wrath, as well as His Holy peace passing all understanding as well, intermittently coming upon me that same year.
In May of 2008, I had repented and gave my life to Jesus. God had forgiven me. I was incredibly amazed that Jesus and Heaven are real. One day in 2008, I simply had said to God, “I know nothing about your Word, but if I knew your Word, I would speak it.” I later realized, to hold on tight if you say that prayer with faith and it is answered. I most certainly had faith in my request, even though, as a new Christian, I didn’t realize that what I was saying qualified as a prayer.
Back then as a new Christian, months after God taught me many hard lessons to gain some wisdom for the first time in my life, one day, at my apartment in Philadelphia, and on my knees, I looked up at God and sinned again by saying, “why don’t you just tell me the wisdom!?”
This had all been new to me, learning one lesson after another to gain wisdom and come closer within the Spirit of God. I didn’t realize the immense love that God was showing me through all of His teachings. I didn’t understand that to learn varying wisdom, lessons were needed to be lived through. After having challenged God in that manner and discovering the truth, I looked for a crack to crawl into to hide from God, but that doesn’t work.
There I was back then, in protest, questioning God’s teaching prowess and expertise. But through each lesson, God was teaching how to apply His Word, and life, with righteous truth, which is wisdom, for the sole purpose of existence, love.
I had been growing fast in righteous truth, after starting off as knowing nothing as a new Christian. I was hungry to learn God’s Word of wisdom. But right then, in the present and on my knees, I had no wisdom, all of it was gone, and I called out and pleaded to God.
Although I had been growing fast with wisdom as a new Christian back then, someone could not be too excited to take me out to lunch, thinking that they could pick my brain, as if I were the next coming of Solomon. My starting point for gaining wisdom had been, in fact, beyond weak.
I truly knew next to nothing about God’s Word when I completely gave my life to Jesus. I didn’t know that someone even needed wisdom to be able to apply the Word and life with the knowledge of the Bible. I didn’t comprehend that love is why that God does everything, and wisdom is how that God does everything.
Taking me out to lunch to pick my mind for wisdom back then, would be a waste of money. It was certainly a waste of money right then as well. I suffered without any feeling of the presence of God, or without any remembrance of any wisdom.
Before 2008, I definitively had had a dumb spirit in mefor my entire life. I was so out of the loop from God’s Word, and had such a dumb spirit pertaining to anything Godly, that when people in a church service were singing Amazing Grace that first year as a Christian, I wondered; ‘who is this woman named Grace, that an entire church is singing about her!? She must be a really wonderful woman! I wondered; is Grace a Bible character, or if she lives right now in modern times, could I possibly meet her?’
Okay, so, I most certainly was not a good candidate to take to lunch to pick my mind for wisdom back then. And as stated, I was also most certainly not a good candidate right then. This was nothing less than the residual effects of a lifetime of a dumb spirit back then. And right then, I felt that same dumb spirit again.
The enemy had decades to work on the dumbness of the spirit that was attached to me before I came to Jesus. Jesus is, in fact, the only protection from the enemy, and the only deliverance from anyone’s worldly dumb spirit.
Placing and or having an outlook of anything or anyone as equal to or above God, and rejecting Jesus, to live a life of sin without repentance, are ways that someone can give spiritual permission for an opening of a dumb spirit. Without Jesus Christ, and daily protection prayers through Jesus and or God’s Word, which are one and the same: there was no protection from the enemy, including from the many assorted spirits of the enemy.
Any spirit of the enemy embraced, can conduct various evils and has myriad traits and characteristics. This includes that they lie, manipulate, confuse, confound, cause spiritual unease, and negate the ability to have the understanding and reasoning abilities of God’s eternal Holy wisdom.
By way of prayer to simply and sincerely repent sin and come to Jesus Christ, is to know of our Father in Heaven and His Holy Spirit of truth, which includes immediate freedom, liberty and peace! And right then, after coming back from Heaven and a few days passing, I had other problems than competing to have the dumbest spirit on the planet by thinking that amazing Grace was an amazing woman. I was right then, tied again, for having the dumbest spirit on the planet. I knew it, I felt it, and it was my own fault.
God was allowing me to be, James Rathman, again, without Him. This is a lot of love and a lot of wisdom that God was taking the time to show me.
As time was slowly passing over the immediate days after coming back from Heaven, it was being ingrained into me more and more, that anyone who did not repent and come to Jesus, could not understand any of the knowledge of the Bible for interpretation and application. Someone might be able to memorize the Bible with their intellect. But Scripture reveals that knowledge being used without the understanding of the Holy wisdom of love; is to know nothing. Without the Holiness of the Lord’s Spirit in an equation of the Word, there is without wisdom, and hence without purpose.
I was not only missing much, but I was missing everything that was of any value! I knew even greater, that no one could come unto an understanding of God’s Wisdom, to embrace God’s love and to love as God loves, which is the purpose of life, without the Spirit of Jesus Christ.
God’s will is always done. This includes that His children who have repented and come to Jesus, have eventuality to live forever, as one, within the body and Spirit of Christ for the sole purpose of a celebration of love. But the wisdom to actually feel and apply this was missing from within me, and I felt it in a horribly torturous sense. I knew of the wisdom, that wisdom existed, but only in memory and intellectually, so therefore I knew what I was missing.
Over the next day, I kept suffering in hollowness, calling out to God to come back to me in His Holy Spirit.
Without the Holy Spirit, I had no way to sense and embrace for use; the understanding, reasoning, discernment, and the laws of differences, to exercise the purpose of created life, which is Godly love. It was evident, greater than I ever knew the evidence to anything before, that no one was going anywhere good without Holiness; when they read the Bible, or with their life. God is the only truth in this world, and nothing else is, no matter how much someone’s ego wants to conjure up the way that they think things should be.
Thinking things through in prayer right then, I could recall particular stories and segments of God’s Word. But, I was completely void of the Holiness of wisdom to apply it.
I had no wisdom. I kept reviewing and I could feel it, the only things that I knew about wisdom, was that it existed, and I didn’t have it. I suffered. Right then, it was impossible for me to comprehend even the most basics of wisdom. It simply was not in me, to even be able to learn the Spiritual application that 3 words yielded the interpretation and application of the Bible and life, which are: understanding, wisdom and love.
God is God, God is love, God is wisdom, and God’s children are none of these things. But God yearns, encourages, teaches lessons, and commands to love as He loves. Love, is the sole purpose to life! So, how could a child of God love as God loves, if they were not God? God’s Word reveals that the answer to this is;
The understanding of the wisdom to love as God loves comes from God and His Holiness. And I had none of it right then. I was without any sense of the Holiness of the Spirit of God, so therefore I was without any wisdom, or true purpose to life. And I felt it!
Scripture reveals that, principal in what to do with life, is to love, principal in why to love, is because God loved us first and created us for love, and how to love, is with God’s wisdom of love. God guides to seek His understanding of the wisdom to love, in all things. It’s just a matter to also understand, what is and what is not Godly love.
Proverbs 4:7 Wisdom is the principal thing; therefore get wisdom: and with all thy getting get understanding.
Proverbs 9:10 The fear of the Lord is the beginning of wisdom: and the knowledge of the Holy is understanding.
John 15:12 This is my commandment, that ye love one another as I have loved you.
1st John 4:19 We love him, because he first loved us.
On my knees right then, I had serious problems. I just wanted God’s Holy presence to come into me again as I had felt for so long. I missed God’s presence. I missed wisdom.
I was beside myself with suffering by not sensing God’s presence. I knew nothing, and felt nothing within my spirit. This included a void of understanding, wisdom, and love. Knowing those words, without Holiness, is a torture. I was without purpose. Anything Holy and eternal was not even slightly noticeable within me.
God was teaching me and letting me feel, by the moment, and it was becoming ingrained, as to who I was with and without God. I was just like everyone else who is without Jesus. Without Jesus, everyone was without any Holiness, wisdom and purpose. Without eternal things, what was the sense!? There is no sense.
Without truth, the truth of Jesus Christ, no one could understand the knowledge of the Holy. I wanted that back, more than I ever wanted anything in my life.
It is a sin to call someone dumb, or to even call oneself dumb; but not that, of having a dumb spirit. One other thing that I did know right then, was awareness of what it was like to have a dumb spirit, and I had one.
Apparently, if someone had a dumb spirit, they weren’t too dumb to know how dumb that they were. This was very unfortunate. I was still smart enough to know that I wished that I was so dumb, that I didn’t know that I was that dumb. But this was not the case for me.
Into the third day of the Holy Spirit and peace and wisdom and all else good leaving me, regularly praying, I kept pleading with God to come upon me again with His Holy Spirit; even just in the manifestation in which was normal to me over the past years. I hadn’t realized how much that life was different. This includes in the amount of growth involved over the years, thereafter someone began a relationship with Jesus Christ.
A Christian, of even, only, a few years, might not realize how different that they are, and how far that they are removed from the world in which they had been then living in, after coming to repentance and Jesus.
For the last three days, a number of dominate tortures were continually going on without ceasing. I was myself, James Rathman, without the feeling of the presence of the Holy Spirit. I was without any Bible knowledge having wisdom with it: none, whatsoever. And God was also letting me feel the sense of everlasting.
For three days, I could also feel what everlasting felt like. I felt everlasting, in the regard that I was to be a dumb spirit, and, without God’s presence, everlasting. That was too much. I was to be without God, everlasting?! I was in an affliction beyond comprehension by being James Rathman without the Holy Spirit even for a few days, let alone, knowing, with certainty, that I would be without God, everlasting. Right then, I knew what everlasting felt like.
I could feel, in an absolute sense that I was not to know of any wisdom pertaining to the Word, or be with God ever again in His Holy Spirit; everlasting. I cried, feeling everlasting.
Only a few moments, without feeling the presence of God’s Holy Spirit; was unbearable. But everlasting, without God, after knowing God so well ~ was too much. Hollowness and despair consumed me.
I knew it, as fact, that it was also all my own fault. I wasn’t being hard on myself. And God wasn’t being hard on me. I was facing truth; the truth of who I was and my exceedingly prideful attitude, as soon as God had blessed me so well to take me to Heaven.
I wouldn’t have even existed without God. And I would only have had death in my sins against God, if I did exist in the first place.
My situation was not debatable for a relative argument years ago, or right then, that I had a dumb spirit. The greatest debater in the world would not even try to stick up for me. Without God, and hence, not knowing that grace was the grace of God and not a woman named Grace, I had to have had a dumb spirit back then, and there was enough overwhelming evidence to present that same case right then!
In the midst of exercising a strong prayer of conviction right then as well, I still, at least, knew of God’s amazing love and mercy! I wanted God’s Spirit to be with me again, in the same presence as I had felt for so long. I called out again to God, asking God to forgive me, so I could be James Rathman, with the Holy Spirit of God again.
“Please God, come back to me!”
I missed God’s presence of His Holy Spirit most of all; this was the biggest torture. I missed God.
But I can attest; God is mercy! God is merciful! Suddenly, after suffering for days to a degree that I never considered that suffering could be, and feeling that I would, in fact, suffer everlasting without the presence of God, the Holy Spirit poured Himself upon me and forgave me!!! Praise You, God!!!
All of the wisdom of the Word in which was stripped out of me, was also, and suddenly, returned! Praise our Lord in Heaven! God Almighty, full of love, mercy, and grace!
I can’t help, but to now, bow in worship at God’s amazing presence and mercy, humbled, and to boldly preach the Word of God, in Jesus Christ, His mercy!
I rejoiced! God is love! And God is beyond smart. God is Holy, and God is wisdom, and God was only trying to get me to the point in which I would never again be full of myself, including if He inundated me with greater blessings.
God knows the right amount of love, wisdom, and what to do in each situation, to straighten out His children, including for a long term benefit. It pains God to have to watch His children learn hard lessons.
I realized later, that if God would have pulled back even a little on that lesson to extinguish my pride, I might have had to learn that same lesson again in the future. God is love, and God is not mocked. Exactly relative to my pride, God yielded perfect correction, to sustain truth and humility within me, lest I torture God and myself again in the future, with my lack of truth, humility, and gratitude.
Years had passed after that experience with Heaven and the immediate after affects. The Lord took me into many regions to serve Him. I was regularly testifying, counseling in the Word, and praying to lead as many people as possible to Jesus Christ, including through writing and preaching.
I felt a block in the Holy Spirit, though, pertaining to the Heaven experience. The Holy Spirit let me know, that I wasn’t supposed to speak about Heaven when I testified, counseled, wrote, preached, or by any means.
Then one day, I sensed within the Holy Spirit of God some particular wisdom, in which had escaped me for four years, and was necessary to be able to tell of the testimony of Heaven. Within God’s Holy Spirit, I could feel that God gave me the go-ahead, to start preaching sermons that could include the testimony of Heaven, having that particular piece of wisdom that was needed. Shortly thereafter, I was then guided to tell of the experience in other outlets as well.
It took approximately four years to learn varying wisdom to tell of the testimony of Heaven, but one critical and particular piece of wisdom was also needed. And that was pertaining to the one thing that I realized later was missing when I went to Heaven, the one experience that everyone would feel should happen, but was not happening to me in Heaven. This was: I could not see anything at all while I was in Heaven!
I needed to learn the wisdom as to why God allowed that to happen, and was short on that wisdom, until four years later.
When I couldn’t see anything in Heaven, it did not feel as if my eyes were closed. But I could not see anything at all. I did not feel disabled or handicapped of eyesight. I just didn’t see anything, and remarkably, I didn’t notice that I couldn’t see anything. That seems absurdly impossible, that someone would be in Heaven, not seeing anything, and not noticing that they were not seeing anything. But this was absolute, by means of the power of the Holy Spirit; and it was for a great purpose. I had no sight, and didn’t know it at the time.
~ The wisdom that took about four years to learn was that Heaven, paradise, glory, and the Kingdom of God, were simply, the presence of God! ~
This was one of the primary lessons, if not, the primary lesson, that God wanted me to arrive at after all of these years. God wanted it ingrained into me, for my free will to have the full understanding of the wisdom: that Heaven is the presence of God!
This particular part of the experience in Heaven was a great lesson of enlightenment, and thought provoking until this day, instigating even more wisdom behind the experience of not seeing anything in Heaven. The occurrence, and eventual wisdom from it, has opened up the Bible in more ways now, than if I had not had that experience of not seeing anything in Heaven.
The sights and sounds and all things in Heaven, including God’s children, have the presence of God through and through them. This includes Godly love in a peace passing all understanding, a purity of Holy calm, and wisdom behind any comprehension! I also knew that Heaven is, in fact, everlasting to everlasting, and timeless in the sense of always being in the present.
~ Now, if I feel myself becoming prideful, including after receiving blessings, I pray immediately. On some days, to be prudent, I pray extra and ask the Lord to keep me aware and within the truth of who I am, with and without God, and who the truth of Jesus Christ is, at all times.
I still can’t recall any particular wisdom that God gave me in Heaven. But, after Heaven, I learned some overall wisdom from God; including from God teaching my pride a lesson in truth and humility. I wrote sixteen words of wisdom from the experience of Heaven and thereafter becoming prideful, and then learning a lesson in truth and humility. I wrote the wisdom on a custom-colored piece of paper, put it in a picture frame, and hung it on a wall in a home in which the Lord Jesus is allowing me to stay at.
‘I am nothing, but for God and His glory. Thank you, God, for allowing me. Amen.’ ~A Place called Heaven is a book that includes dozens of submissions from Christians having exceeding encounters with Jesus, the Holy Spirit, visions, dreams, Angels, and others having experiences with visions and or going to Heaven and back! https://www.amazon.com/called-Heaven-Beginning-Christian-Network/dp/1985665387/ref=mp_s_a_1_2?dchild=1&keywords=James+Rathman&qid=1625425869&sr=8-2#
Blessings and love, James Rathman: Evangelist
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